Sunday, January 25, 2009

confused and concerned... =[

i've been thinking about something for the past few months...
about 3 years ago or so, i was friends with this girl. we were really really close, and did everything together. we both worked, but when we weren't working, we were either going out to eat, or going out to clubs dancing, hanging out at each other's houses, and i would even go to her work and sit with her sometimes.
i was helped out by her mom with some money, and when she offered it to me (through my friend), i told her that i didn't know what i would be able to pay or when i would be able to pay it. she said that was fine, but she knew i needed it and she was ok with it.

so i ended up making like 2 payments to her, and haven't since. that was back in 2006. i know, i know. trust me, I KNOW how it sounds, and i know what it actually is.. but i've been in and out of a job, and there have been other things that have come up, but honestly, i know there's no excuse in that. her mom hasn't said anything to me, and neither has she.

so over the next year or so, we started drifting apart a little. that's about the same time i started dating daniel, and i also got a good job. my time wasn't as free as it had been. she has a baby and we did things with her too.
during this time, she also got a job, so her time wasn't as free either.

lately, especially in the past year and a half, she's been acting weird. for instance, the latest thing that happened was that i had told her thru a text message that i was moving in february and that we need to get together before i go.
***when we would go out to eat before, there were always 2 places we would go.. the chinese restaurant and the mexican restaurant. so anytime we talk about going out to eat, we go to one of the two places, just alternate them.**
she sent me a text message that said we needed to go to the chinese place, and we sent texts back and forth saying things like 'let me know when you have a day off' and things like that.
finally, the other day, i had sent her a message saying that i got off work at 1 on friday, and she said she was off, but her little girl had preschool screening that day, and she wasn't sure what time it would be overwith (which that in itself was just one of the weird things she does, i thought because with it being a preschool screening, there's no way it would have went longer than 3 or 4, at the latest 5.. but anyway...). i told her to let me know when it was over.

so friday comes and after i got off work, about 3:30, i went to one of my good friend's houses because they're always telling me to come over and bring the baby. while i was there, i sent her a text. a little while later, she sends me one back that says something like 'sorry we were sleeping'. i tell her that i'm off the next day and she said she works until 2:30 but that should work and put a bunch of exclamation points behind it.
the next day, i send her a text message to see if we're still on to go eat. she replies with 'i don't know. my mom's aunt is in here dying so we'll see.' (she works in a hospital). so i just told her that there was a mix up with my bank and i didn't have any money but told her when i get paid the next time and to let me know.
i left it open so it would be on her.

and honestly, i thought that was a poor excuse to cancel. or to put it off.

and i've tried letting this go. i've tried making excuses and thinking of 'well, maybe it's this or maybe it's that'.. for example:
i've thought maybe she thinks i'm neglecting her or
maybe it has something to do with the situation with her mom..
i honestly can't think of anything else it could be...

she used to always say that i'm her best friend and we're so much alike and she would do anything for me and this and that. but when she does survey's, a question will ask who her best friend is. **now, if you ask me, i tend to include her in my list of best friends** she always puts people that she hasn't known that long, or that she never talked to before. i don't get it.

can someone help me understand what is going on? am i right in thinking like i do? i'm so confused..

and i can't let it go.
i've prayed and prayed about it.

no, i haven't talked to her, but i probably never will because that's just the way i am. if someone wrongs me or hurts me, i won't say anything to them because i HATE conflict that much. and normally when i've done it in the past, i've been burned with it. because people have made me feel stupid and embarrass me and when that happens, i NEVER forget. so i just avoid the situation altogether.

so if you have any comments, let me know?! PLEASE


Greta said...

I'd bet that her distance has nothing to do with money. Raising babies makes it so so so hard to find time to hang with girlfriends. I blow off my friends to nap and do stupid shit at home all the time.

Go for coffee! Talk to her! Tell her how much you miss her.

giraffegirl524 said...

i understand that, i totally do, even before i had my baby, i understood because i'm really close to my sister, and i used to be at her house ALLLL the time (and she's got 3 kids). i wouldn't care if she just wanted to stay home and do nothing and just take a break, i GET THAT. but she's all the time doing things with her OTHER friends. i DON'T get that....

i really appreciate your feedback.. looks like you might be the only one i get it from. thank you thank you thank you for commenting!

Margo said...

Hi, I am enjoying your blog! I think almost everyone has a story kind of like this at some point. The whole texting business and trying to read between the lines is pretty futile, I think. It's impossible enough in person or on the phone to fully understand what's going on in someone else's life or head. I'd ask her to out to dinner or just for drinks sometime with a specific date proposal. Tell her you miss her. Miscommunication is a huge hurdle in all lasting relationships, and at least one party has to be the big kid and rise above any old regrets, slights or whatever. Life is short. Good luck!